doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
