All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
