Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
