This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
