How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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