So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
