You smell like a Billy Joel song
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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