How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
