i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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