i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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