Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ttyl tear gas
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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