so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
