This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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