Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
