i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
