Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
