I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
