hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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