Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
