is your mom at the bar?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
