don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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