I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize