Moan for me like Helen Keller
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize