I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
