she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
