I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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