??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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