apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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