when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
