I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
