So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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