Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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