Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize