i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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