i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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