if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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