I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
