I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
