He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
