I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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