so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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