she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He better not be in your backpack
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
