I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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