a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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