She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
