i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
