this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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