Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.