Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.