Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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