My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge