im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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