Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
