I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
