I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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