I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
