My first STD was from a foam party
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize