Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
