you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
