Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
