but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
