smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize