This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
