the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
