you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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