we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
