I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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