SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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