One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bring me that man meat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
