My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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